node/chainstate: Add options for in-memory DBs

Summary:
Partial backport of core#23280:
https://github.com/bitcoin/bitcoin/pull/23280/commits/c541da0d62eaf5e96eca00d7508899f98bdfc1bc

Depends on D12581.

Test Plan:

ninja all check-all

Reviewers: #bitcoin_abc, sdulfari

Reviewed By: #bitcoin_abc, sdulfari

Differential Revision: https://reviews.bitcoinabc.org/D12582